“I pulled a model and went back to her house, but purposefully left my board in the Addison Lee cos she didn’t think skating was that cool. Turns out she thought I was a producer anyway so fuck that shit.”
“I was getting out of the bath when my ankle slipped on my flatmate’s dildo. My ankle’s fine but I can’t really sit down at the moment.”
“I wouldn’t come out tomorrow anyway cos Ugly Betty is on E4 and I can’t tape off Freeview. And my mate’s mate told me not to use BitTorrent cos the CIA are using it to build a database. And did you know Orange keep a record of every number you dial from your mobile and then charge you for it at the end of the month?! Fucking cunts.”
“I’m working at the end of the Piccadilly line, my board is at the end of the Central line, my shoes are at the end of the Metropolitan line and I left my wallet on Eurostar.”
“I heard that the weather is going to be slightly different to how I imagined it would be which would make skating either indoors or outdoors nigh on impossible.”
“I also have an allergy which I’ve never told you about, but if you knew I doubt you would sympathise.”
“My boss told me to be the last one in the office each night if I want to get on. The problem is there’s this other guy there who thinks the same so we have an ongoing competition which I refuse to lose.”
“If we end up going to [insert any of the small number of winter evening skate spots here] then you can count me out. That place sucks. I don’t even want to skate anyway so fuck knows why I am included in this email. Which pub are we going to?”